Summer Series | Who does that reflection in the change room belong to?

Who does that reflection in the change room belong to?

It took me a long time to reconcile that the reflection in the mirror was actually mine. It took me even longer to smile and believe it was the new me.

My weight had dropped post-surgery quicker than I could replace my wardrobe and I still found it strange that I could walk into stores and have choice which was very different to the desperation and dread I felt shopping at my previous size.

Those trips usually concluded with me in the same style of dress, pretending that I liked it. It often involved me buying without trying too, I didn’t want to take my clothes off and risk having the sales assistant see me. Well, they never really did as I seemed to be invisible to them all anyway.

The strangest thing was, now that I had my choice, and the sales assistants all cheerily approached me as I entered the store, I didn’t know where to look or what to buy, I didn’t know what would suit me. I had spent so long wrapped in my layers of self-protection fabric that I didn’t know how to dress for my new size.

I decided the following week to take my friend with me to buy new jeans. She had been part of my journey and was very supportive and understanding of all my self-doubts. Jeans for me came a very close second to bathers, an absolute no-go zone. I had stopped wearing jeans as they made me feel physically sick being so tight around my waist. This time however, was very different, I had a choice, they all fit and they looked amazing. I even tucked my t-shirt in! I smiled, and to be honest, I cried. My friend and I hugged. I paid for the jeans, took a deep breath being truly present in that moment.  Next week, bathers!